We were quiet for the rest of 2018 and the start of 2019 as we have been busy with day to day life.
Lots of walks, play and cooking together is always looked forward to. R and I cook together a lot recently because we like to stay in at the weekends. I have resigned to saying that I do not want to go to my parents’ in law’s place. During winter there’s not much for me to do in their garden plus they have people to help them all the time. I feel that I do not have anything to give them at the moment. I feel drained both physically and mentally and would be incapacitated if I add more to my demise.
R sometimes says that she does not want to go to school. She went through two weeks of complaining that she had stomachache which I put to stress and anxiety. It might me because I am anxious myself but I do not give it to her as far as I know. She used to play with bigger girls but today she mentioned that she plays with the younger ones for now. Who knows what is going on? I ask indirect questions aiming at digging deeper into what happens at school but that is that for now.
She is happy to go in sometimes and half of the time she is not. I wish I know more. Sometimes I fear that she is bullied and she does not tell me. And that she would not be able to manage the social complexities of school. I cannot be there to guide her but I hope that the teachers would not let any of my fears happen.
We had snow last week which meant R stayed home for three and a half days. It was fun to have her at home full day like when she was much younger. She thinks of food to cook, she does a lovely stir fry at the weekends which she only needs minimal help. R would make things and write stories on her own. I could leave her on her own in the sitting room or her room for a long time and she would entertain herself. I check on her from time to time but I do my best to let her use her time and think on her own.
Work at home and with a family member sometimes causes friction but it is a better choice for now. We would go on this way until there is a better choice. We are happy to live here for now but the good thing in life is there are no boundaries as to where we could work, visit, eat or live.