2019

We were quiet for the rest of 2018 and the start of 2019 as we have been busy with day to day life.

Lots of walks, play and cooking together is always looked forward to. R and I cook together a lot recently because we like to stay in at the weekends. I have resigned to saying that I do not want to go to my parents’ in law’s place. During winter there’s not much for me to do in their garden plus they have people to help them all the time. I feel that I do not have anything to give them at the moment. I feel drained both physically and mentally and would be incapacitated if I add more to my demise.

R sometimes says that she does not want to go to school. She went through two weeks of complaining that she had stomachache which I put to stress and anxiety. It might me because I am anxious myself but I do not give it to her as far as I know. She used to play with bigger girls but today she mentioned that she plays with the younger ones for now. Who knows what is going on? I ask indirect questions aiming at digging deeper into what happens at school but that is that for now.

She is happy to go in sometimes and half of the time she is not. I wish I know more. Sometimes I fear that she is bullied and she does not tell me. And that she would not be able to manage the social complexities of school. I cannot be there to guide her but I hope that the teachers would not let any of my fears happen.

We had snow last week which meant R stayed home for three and a half days. It was fun to have her at home full day like when she was much younger. She thinks of food to cook, she does a lovely stir fry at the weekends which she only needs minimal help.  R would make things and write stories on her own. I could leave her on her own in the sitting room or her room for a long time and she would entertain herself. I check on her from time to time but I do my best to let her use her time and think on her own.

Work at home and with a family member sometimes causes friction but it is a better choice for now. We would go on this way until there is a better choice. We are happy to live here for now but the good thing in life is there are no boundaries as to where we could work, visit, eat or live.

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22 April

Guess who’s birthday is it tomorrow?

My baby will be 5 tomorrow and she has been waiting for it for a year. It was literally every day that she asked how many days to go before her birthday or what month is it and a different way every morning when she does her calendar only to ask when her birthday will be. And finally it will be the BIG day.

We baked 24 cupcakes today to share in class tomorrow. She made sure there are spare ones for her teachers. It is very sweet.

This year was so rocky for all of us. We had crying, yelling, laughing, snow (storm) which meant no school for a few days, daddy going away for a couple of weeks and not seeing him often because he constantly is at his olds to look after them, R being at school full time, me beating myself up for not being able to send her to the best school I could think of, name it and we had it this year. I am sure this will remain as a memorable year which will be remembered dearly.

Well, we will leave more space for the big day’s review.

4 years 9 months today

R will be 5 years old in 3 months’ time. She is growing so fast I can’t keep up. She reads to me now. Writes me love notes, they come with lots of hugs and kisses, cards, drawings of me. I will miss this stage and all the sweet messages she hands over. I heard the other day that she is trying spelling as well. Reading and writing has gone leaps and bounds since starting Reception. Modelling by other children at school definitely is a positive influence although it comes with a price. She sometimes blurts out nasty words which no one can help or shield her from. It is reality but it is quite an impact to her increasing vocabulary and language development. Well, what better way to immerse in to society than to take a splash into the pool and with mum and dad still there swimming with her all hopes that she comes out of the pool creative and socially responsible individual whose eyes are on the target.

I miss my baby

Eight days into the beginning of the school year I miss my baby so much. She is in school full time now which I think is still too long for a little person. But she is beginning to be more confident in writing and reading from one week going to school alone. She fondly talks about her new friends at school, lunch and play time. On Monday she came back and said to me that she has joined the Joke Club which I am not sure if it is pure imagination but on Friday she said that the club has been shut down.

Six hours and a half everyday is too long at the moment to be alone in the house without R’s presence. Every time she comes back from school she is starving and tired. No more problem about eating supper, so long it may last. I miss her, the happiness, energy in the house in the last four years 24/7 and she is becoming more and and more independent and slowly getting out of mummy and daddy’s wings. I guess that is how things work in having a child.

R in big school

R started in Class one on Wednesday. She was excited to go until today which was nice in a way that I could happily leave there without worries the whole day. She came back on the first day and she was starving although she said that she enjoyed her school lunch. She refuses to packed lunch unlike in when she went to preschool. Exercise, play time, pudding, colouring, new friends and a ‘rusty’ loo are the things she tells about before bed time. It is fun because R picks up her pens and paper and writes cards, notes with lots of hugs and kisses. I do not force her to go and write she is the one who is happy and much happier now to sound out letters while writing them since Wednesday.

She looks bigger and matured now in her uniform. My baby is growing fast and I know more independence is to come and I will only be in the sideline. It will be fine for the three of us as she grows in to her own person.

 

Back from the garden

R went to school this morning after saying that she did not want to go to school because she wanted to have lunch here and that she did not want to play with one of the boys. Well, we will see how it went when she comes back.

M went to give his parents a hand which is fine but sometimes when I look around it is getting into my nerves. Whenever I hear comments about how he helps his parents or talks to them puts me in a very bad mood which makes me think of all the time he spends there away from  the house which is unfinished, the garden which needs more attention and the shed, back garden and more. He could have spent all those time there in the house to improve our lives every single day.

I spent two hours transplanting, watering, tying up plants to have flowers and vegetables in the summer and autumn. It was hot by 11 today and so it was time to clear the rooms with clutter and then iron.

Endless housework, endless comments from relatives. If people could just stop troubleshooting all the time and give feedback instead to encourage other people to do more or carry on with what has been started then all is well. Gardening takes the mind off unwanted thoughts sometimes. Off to hang the washing and time to plug the iron in.

After 3 and a half years

R turned three and a half this month and she has grown a lot. She has started nursery or is that preschool here? The school is 4 miles away meaning we have to drive there three times a week. For now she spends two and a half days away from us. She comes back tired but happy. She finishes her packed lunch and her stories about what happened and what she did in school are either endless or she tells us that she would tell us later on.

It is half term and she keeps herself busy playing with her toys. She chats away, dances, jumps around, occasionally helps in the kitchen especially when she likes what I am about to cook or bake. Three days ago I introduced her to Science experiments. Some might think that it is late to start but it is fine here as I avoid her having too much praise when she blurt out something that she has done or knows. We did chemical reaction experiment with baking soda and vinegar on the first day. On our second day we mixed milk, food color and dish soap. It was not what I expected to happen, it was a flop. The colours did not dance around in short it ended up brown. She was still happy to see how the colours changed. After that she was interested to have another experiment so we took five glasses out, filled three with water, added primary colours in each glasses. TIme for capillary action.  We had two glasses in between the glasses with paint in them. We folded table napkins and dipped one end to a coloured water then the other to the empty glass. We spent around five minutes watching the water walk from one glass to another. She spotted the tv after a few minutes of watching the process so we have decided that we will do it again some other time.  Yesterday we inflated a balloon with baking soda and vinegar with her two friends who came over and we did it to inflate a balloon. They were excited about it and the two children, K and A brought them home. Today we did a few things with whatever else we had in the kitchen. We wrote with milk and lemon juice, played with the salad spinner with paint and paper inside it. R was more interested in the process of squeezing the juice out of the lemon and using cotton swabs as medium to write. With the centrifugal force introduction, the basket turning after she pushed it a number of times and then pushed a button to stop was more interesting than the idea she was told about. We finished our morning today with finger and hand painting with leftover paint from the activity with the salad spinner. Bottom line for having activities with a three year old, keep things simple with few words to introduce them and let the child work with the materials.

We are going to Asia in two weeks. Asia? Again? Yes. It might not only be Thailand but might also be Laos or Vietnam. We will be away for three months and we will enjoy every minute of it this time. At least R and I will. I plan to go to more temples, malls, boat, train and bus rides, floating market tours and shopping. My sister might go over to see us which I hope she would do so we could catch up and she would meet R too. I will not miss the disputes around here which people put onto themselves. But I dread the fact that they will be here and have done something again to provoke us after being away like early this year.

Well, life for now is this way who knows what tomorrow will have for us. Cycnical as it may seem my thoughts are it is something that I will not miss after this phase past or will it ever go away.